Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
