i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I stole a fireplace last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
