you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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