Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize