i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
