that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
