Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
