i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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