I hate all girls vehemently.
I am puke
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
