Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
