Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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