I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
