We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
