Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
