Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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