please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am mentally ready for anal.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
