a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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