Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
