the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
