I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
