So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
