I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
