did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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