a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
