I want you more than these girls want KFC
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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