Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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