We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
