Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
