No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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