I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
