Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
