Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
