spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
