Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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