I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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