I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
