I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize