I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
This house was built for laser tag.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
