could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I see more hoeing in ur future
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