And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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