Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
