I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
