Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
