I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
