I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My dick has a subreddit
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
