Swine flu. Run for my life!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
