just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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