Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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