How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
