Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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