dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
