And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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