We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
