my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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