I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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