I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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