after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
