Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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