Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
