i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
