i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
