I think I won the penis lottery.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
