forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
