His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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